Did you know that “The wedding industry generates in the United States over 60 billion dollars a year in wedding and ceremony related expenses (this figure does not include the honeymoon, which is estimated to be between 4 and 8 billion dollars a year).” If you’re like Steph and love data, here is a great resource to look at for a 2020 Wedding Report by Weddingwire (a very popular wedding planning website).
Now, let that sink in. Over 60 BILLION. That is a crazy amount of money! *thoughts wander as to what we would even do with that amount of money*
Billions…
That’s for flowers
That’s for the attire
For the venue
in some cases, for the ceremony and officiant
for the food and catering! (everybody’s got to eat!)
for all the thingsss, including invitations
not to mention all the services:
music (live band or DJ?)
videography
hair and make up
transportation;
and our favorite, photography
…and all of that is just for one day (or in some cultures, for one event that can last some days).
Even just writing that list made me stress out. again. Yikes.
It is insane how much time and preparation and money go into one day (God bless the patience of a wedding planner!!). And guess what? A wedding day is definitely worth celebrating and doing it up! However, we want to pose a question here: how many couples dedicate that much time and effort, if not more, into preparing for life after wedding day? For the actual marriage? You know, the whole “till death do us part” thing?
Too many couples who are planning to get married, across generations, are swept up in the final presentation of their wedding day. They plan to get married and prepare for the wedding first- forgetting that happily ever after is not the end goal. They don’t always plan to stay married. Which is heartbreaking and why we want to write about it. One of the purpose’s for marriage is to prepare for life, and to live life together—Through sickness and in health; Through good times and in bad; Through the highs and the lows, through all the moments in between. That my friends, is bigger than any wedding. That is so big and important, that I dare to say, it is of a divine nature and one of the highest levels of importance.
Marriage is meant to last a life-time. This is possible, truly, with God at the center.
I mean think about it: isn’t it pretty much impossible, as a human, to love an imperfect person? How would we as humans even begin to love and dedicate our entire being and existence to another person, who is flawed? How would we, as humans with weaknesses and imperfections (a.k.a flaws), be able to possibly love, entirely, another human person? We, of our own nature, really could not do that, or do it well enough to sustain for a lifetime. In order to Love, it is a true gift, a Grace. And this comes directly from God. God is Love, after all.
So preparing for marriage - that’s where it matters. And that is where the couple soon to be married, should be investing their time, together, and to invest their time in first. Wedding planning can be fun and bringing your vision for your wedding day to life, is exciting. However, I want to urge you to remember the whole point: marriage.
We will share a bit on our marriage preparation experience. We feel so blessed that in our Catholic faith, we are required to prepare for marriage for at least 6 months, before we can get married and have our wedding ceremony or reach our wedding day.
We attended an Engaged Couples conference (another option was taking marriage preparation classes over some months). Here is a link for the availability of conferences/classes in 2020. (This link is for those available in the Archdiocese of Hartford, Connecticut)
We met with our Priest regularly to counsel us into what were those important areas to consider for marriage. Our sessions followed the outline from the workbook “Perspectives on Marriage”. This included providing us a safe and structured time to talk about the important issues, such as:
communication
conflict resolution
understanding our families of origin
our hopes and dreams for our marriage and family
intimacy (emotional and physical)
faith formation
potential pitfalls and how to avoid and overcome them, together (for example: infidelity and mistrust)
planning to grow our family
finances and budgeting
household and home management
We even read some books - really! crazy, I know haha- (which we are still reading, because learning never stops). Some of these books on marriage and married life include:
“The Joy of Love” by Pope Francis
“Things I’d wish I’d known before we got married” by Gary Chapman
“Sacred Sex” by Tony Evans
For something to be successful, you have to put the work into it. This is the same for marriage. It requires work. What’s amazing is that, just like for becoming parents, you can never be fully prepared - but it is so important to prepare, even when we know that Life will happen. This means that there will always be things out of our control and Life will continue to surprise you and challenge you. Yet, the wise person is prepared as best as possible.
As you prepare for your wedding day, together, remember to continually prepare for your marriage—together and forever is the goal. And together, especially with God, Love can make it through anything. Love bears all things, believes all things, and endures all things. Love is what remains.